Why

I hate my weak self. Being unemployed for almost year and a half i am now starting to lose my hope and confidence. People around keep telling me i could get a job if i want to and say how skillful i am but the truth is they do not know anything. They do not know how much i hate myself. They do not know how much i judge myself. I am a weak person yet i show confidence and power when i am with other people. Like wearing a mask. First i really thought that i was the same person as i thought i would be. But lately i realize that i am not day by day. Being afraid of applying for a job again. Everytime i go to interview i thought i was doing my best but i guess i was not. Get scared and ran away from my weak self and all those stressful thoughts about being unemployed. My parents used to tell me i can do it but now i can feel that they are starting to lose hope for me.
The truth is i understand what is the problem and why i am being like this but i am too scared to face those problems. Running away wont change anything i know yet i still cant face it. I hate myself.