Am I a bad mother?
DATE : 2016-05-30 14:32:01
its late and my mind is just pondering around. i feel as if I’m a mom and i really don’t need the party sight anymore. yes i need my alone time and away from my daughter and be a teenager again but I’m 20 years old and frankly i really don’t feel like a teenager anymore or i really don’t need to go out and drink and smoke weed to have fun. last night i went out with josh and we had a party over at the house. well we had a few beers and everyone was having fun.. then we started smoking weed. thats when i was contemplating on if i was a good mother or not. while my daughter was in the safe hands of his parents that night, here i was smoking pot. i should have been at home snuggled up with my daughter and put her to bed and stayed home. in the state i was in … all i could think of was back in high school on how careless I was, i saw how much Josh was having fun and it reminded me of the stories he always told me back when he was in high school.. all the parties and fun he had… well… we aren’t in high school anymore, we have a child that we're responsible for and we can’t smoke pot or drink all the time. yes it felt nice to have a night out but it still felt wrong at the same time because i knew deep down that i was not in the right mind and situation and that i wanted to be with my girl... now don’t get me wrong, a night out sitting on a tailgate in front of a bonfire with your significant other sipping on a few beers sounds pretty amazing. But that party scene, with everyone drinking and smoking and me myself not in the right state of mind… not very comforting. When i drink i am wild and talk and act out and enjoy myself, but when i smoke weed.. I’m the quiet one who always sits back and observes people and enjoy the high. i would rather smoke or drink with someone and just look up at the stars and talk the night away… but am i bad mother for that?