Where it began

I was always seen as a black sheep. Being told "oh you would be so beautiful if you dressed in pink. Hair tied back like a common girl."
In the beginning I wasn't sad even though I dressed in black I was happy. I moved away when I was 14, with my mom. I haven't lived with my mom since I was only a child. I started grade 7 at this small town school called iron ridge middle school. At first I was seen as a freak. I got so sick of the stares and the comments about my dark appearance that I became what everyone wanted. Let my hair grow out brown. Stopped wearing black. Tried to fit in.
For a whole year things were going better. I had lots of problems at home but that's a tale for another blog. Anyways I made it into a friend group. My best friends called Courtney and Jill. We became pretty close. The feeling of being wanted really helped. Around this time was the beginning of my depression.
Grade 8 I was missing from school for 2 months. I told my 2 best friends I was in the hospital for trying to hang myself in the back yard. Why I felt the need for death I still don't know. It was like something took over me. Something sinister.
Two girls from my friend group got jealous of me not telling them everything like I did with Jill and Courtney. They desided to start the down fall of my life. They started rumors and bullshit about me. Soon my whole class stopped talking to me. I have to sit there in class listening to the whispers and giggles about me. I stayed strong though, until the bullying got worse. I go to class now with my desk flipped over. Have gum thrown at me. I was confused. Upset. Blamed myself. Why couldn't I be better. Prettier. Smarter.. likeable. Didn't take long until I stopped showing up for class. Stayed in the office where I was safe from the cruel school hallways. I cried everyday. Everynight. Every chance I got. Until I couldn't cry anymore. Until as if my eyes dried out and I was left emotionless.